Electric Waves

The problem was that I didn’t use an extension cord, it’s still in the cupboard under the sink even
now. When I let go of the toaster it splashed through the soapy lavender scented bath water
hitting the bottom with a dull thunk, its cord lay on the bathroom floor where it fell when it ripped
out of the wall socket. No fatal shock coursing through my body, just me and a ruined expensive
toaster. I sat there until the soap bubbles had all popped and the water turned a frigid cold. The
pink tiled bathroom filled with my melancholy until it settled deep into the fibers of the towels and
carpet and coated my skin like oil. I picked up the stainless steel toaster and raised it above my
head, let out a disgruntled cry and threw it against the opposite wall almost hitting my mother in
the head.

Morning dew covered the flowers and grass making my ankles wet as I waked to the car. Sun
streamed through the willow oaks soaking the newborn birds with honey sweet light and
warming my chilled skin. How can such horrible practices happen on such a gratifying sunday? I
concentrated on that thought in the car and not the uncomfortable silence shared between my
mother and I. Suburban homes blurred past until they were replaced with cold concrete buildings
and herds of shoppers enjoying the weekend. We pulled up to a brick building painted a warm
shade of blue, I would of thought it nice if I didn’t know why we were there and if there weren’t
angry protesters outside of it. The group yelled about medieval acts and unjust torture as my
mother pushed us through the crowd to the front doors of the building. I looked back at the world
over my shoulder with terrified eyes.

A wave of cool air slapped my body and sent goosebumps across my skin when the doors
opened. Inside everything was differing shades of blue and white, occasionally dancing together
to create non offensive patterns. I drifted over to waiting chairs while my mother spoke to a nurse
behind the counter in a hushed voice. The rumble of an air conditioner, nurses shoes squeaking
on the tiled floor and distant beeps overlapped creating the only soundtrack to the anxious wait.
The metal and blue wool chair made a sound of protest as my mother sat herself down beside
me. She turned her young face towards mine and spoke in a soft tone but I wasn’t listening, I
was thinking about how stupid these people were.

Two nurses came shortly after and lead us down the halls until we were in the belly of the
building where the lights cast sickly yellow on everything and flickered every few seconds. The
cheerful blue was gone and replaced by dirty white. The floors, the walls, the wooden bench we
sat on, everything was white and unkept. There was only us and a thick white door to our side,
the nurses had gone and we were alone. The realization of what was going to happen filled up
my body up like an unforgiving sea. The urge to run and cry, kick or scream came over me but
paralyzing fear had taken control of every muscle and nerve.

When the door opened I could hear beeps and voices. A plump nurse stood before me with her
hand outstretched. Hand in hand we walked into a dimly lit room with a cot and that has
restraints, somewhere along the way my mother disappeared but I didn’t want her here for this
anyway. The fabric on the thin cot was itchy as I lay back on it with my arms and legs strapped
down. Someone was talking while the nurse wet my forehead and temples. She then placed
what felt like stickers over the wet spots and put a strap of leather in my mouth. I didn’t need to
look at the machines to know what was going to happen. There was a fleeting moment when I
heard a switch being flipped and a sound like rushing wind before my body convulsed and the
world slipped away from me.

The weather had heated up but a warm breeze blew my hair and tickled my thighs. For the first
time everything felt smoothed out and even, like I had been walking down a difficult gravel road
my whole life. The protesters moved out of the way and let my mother and I walk to our car. The
buildings went by like water colors until we were back on our suburban street. Pulling into our
driveway I realized for the first time my mother had been holding my hand the whole ride.

Homemade Toner

No so long ago I bleached my hair resulting in a not so favorable yellow hue with streaks of orange. It wasn't cute. I toned my hair and used all the purple shampoo the drugstore could offer and still nothing worked or lasted. One day I got the idea to make my own toner. The store didn't have a purely purple dye so I went for the blue/purple one and prayed it would work. After watching countless tutorials on how to do it on youtube I was convinced it would work perfectly and I would have lovely white hair and maybe also be a goddess.

I mixed the Manic Panic After Midnight dye with a whack load of conditioner and put it allover my yellow hair. I left it on for a total of ten minutes remembering the warnings from the youtubers. After rinsing it out and blow drying it I can honestly say it didn't go according to plan.

In real life (horrible webcam quality) my hair is more of a minty blue. My mom likes to call it aquamarine since it reminds us of mermaid hair. Overall I'm not that upset and I actually like it.

Sunset Seventies

Long time no see and frankly not too much has happened although I'll do a general update post later.  Lately I've been obsessed with the sing In The City by The Eagles. I heard it when I was rewatching The Warriors for the first time in 10 years. I love to listen to it while looking at The Virgin Suicides screencaps because Sofia Capolla + 70s music = a world of awesome. So look at this photo (click or drag to new window to enlarge) and let your mind wander to this lovely song.

Why can't it just be warm here in Canada and have summer start already? Summer always makes me so happy and feeling alive. I just wanted to post some inspo/happiness for yall. I've never been really big into fashion trends and have always felt that you should do your thing and let the world follow.

Somehow I just found out about Paloma Faith today. I have never heard of her and only by sheer luck did I stumble across her music. My favorite song by her so far is Streets Of Glory. Although I'm not crazy about her music I do like her style.

Dear Diary

The last week has been incredibly hard for me. I've been having more panic attacks than usual, multiple crying periods a day and sleepless nights. It feel likes the whole world has caught up to me and everything is too much. Everything feels so off. Contaminated. People getting to close to me. The regular things that brought be happiness have dimmed down to a dying flame, I feel surrounded by nightmares. I'm assuming this is because I'm stressed about school and court and outside. It is getting harder to go outside but I remain hopeful that one day I'll be able to walk out the door without having to sit in the fetal position first and take pills to stop the hysteria.

I've mostly been staying in bed and watching Sailor Moon and reading. I did have a bath in the dark with only a candle as a source of light and I highly recommend it. It was really soothing. I felt like I was in a world all my own. If you're feeling depressed I would try it. My interest in witches and witchcraft has increased as well as looking at the relations to feminism it holds.

 That's all for now x

HOLY HEART EYES BATMAN! BH cosmetics came out with two new era eyeshadow palettes: Eyes on the 70's & Eyes on the 80's. My heart is fluttering and unfortunately my wallet is empty.

70s

80s