Dear Diary

The last week has been incredibly hard for me. I've been having more panic attacks than usual, multiple crying periods a day and sleepless nights. It feel likes the whole world has caught up to me and everything is too much. Everything feels so off. Contaminated. People getting to close to me. The regular things that brought be happiness have dimmed down to a dying flame, I feel surrounded by nightmares. I'm assuming this is because I'm stressed about school and court and outside. It is getting harder to go outside but I remain hopeful that one day I'll be able to walk out the door without having to sit in the fetal position first and take pills to stop the hysteria.

I've mostly been staying in bed and watching Sailor Moon and reading. I did have a bath in the dark with only a candle as a source of light and I highly recommend it. It was really soothing. I felt like I was in a world all my own. If you're feeling depressed I would try it. My interest in witches and witchcraft has increased as well as looking at the relations to feminism it holds.

 That's all for now x

There's something about looking at old photos of myself, when I was a little tyke, that makes me feel like I'm on some weird self discovery trip. It's strange to look at yourself so young, when you were hardly really a person at all, and comparing it to who you are now. How have I changed in the past 12+ years? How did I grow and change and become someone different right under my nose. Every picture feels like a little piece of a puzzle to show me who I am and how to keep growing. They show that there was a time before bad things happened. Back when the small things in life were life, and I regret to say things that I forgot about for so long. We forget and overlook so many things that we did when were younger that it feels like a part of us goes missing and we can't remember where or when we lost it or how to get it back.