Electric Waves

The problem was that I didn’t use an extension cord, it’s still in the cupboard under the sink even
now. When I let go of the toaster it splashed through the soapy lavender scented bath water
hitting the bottom with a dull thunk, its cord lay on the bathroom floor where it fell when it ripped
out of the wall socket. No fatal shock coursing through my body, just me and a ruined expensive
toaster. I sat there until the soap bubbles had all popped and the water turned a frigid cold. The
pink tiled bathroom filled with my melancholy until it settled deep into the fibers of the towels and
carpet and coated my skin like oil. I picked up the stainless steel toaster and raised it above my
head, let out a disgruntled cry and threw it against the opposite wall almost hitting my mother in
the head.

Morning dew covered the flowers and grass making my ankles wet as I waked to the car. Sun
streamed through the willow oaks soaking the newborn birds with honey sweet light and
warming my chilled skin. How can such horrible practices happen on such a gratifying sunday? I
concentrated on that thought in the car and not the uncomfortable silence shared between my
mother and I. Suburban homes blurred past until they were replaced with cold concrete buildings
and herds of shoppers enjoying the weekend. We pulled up to a brick building painted a warm
shade of blue, I would of thought it nice if I didn’t know why we were there and if there weren’t
angry protesters outside of it. The group yelled about medieval acts and unjust torture as my
mother pushed us through the crowd to the front doors of the building. I looked back at the world
over my shoulder with terrified eyes.

A wave of cool air slapped my body and sent goosebumps across my skin when the doors
opened. Inside everything was differing shades of blue and white, occasionally dancing together
to create non offensive patterns. I drifted over to waiting chairs while my mother spoke to a nurse
behind the counter in a hushed voice. The rumble of an air conditioner, nurses shoes squeaking
on the tiled floor and distant beeps overlapped creating the only soundtrack to the anxious wait.
The metal and blue wool chair made a sound of protest as my mother sat herself down beside
me. She turned her young face towards mine and spoke in a soft tone but I wasn’t listening, I
was thinking about how stupid these people were.

Two nurses came shortly after and lead us down the halls until we were in the belly of the
building where the lights cast sickly yellow on everything and flickered every few seconds. The
cheerful blue was gone and replaced by dirty white. The floors, the walls, the wooden bench we
sat on, everything was white and unkept. There was only us and a thick white door to our side,
the nurses had gone and we were alone. The realization of what was going to happen filled up
my body up like an unforgiving sea. The urge to run and cry, kick or scream came over me but
paralyzing fear had taken control of every muscle and nerve.

When the door opened I could hear beeps and voices. A plump nurse stood before me with her
hand outstretched. Hand in hand we walked into a dimly lit room with a cot and that has
restraints, somewhere along the way my mother disappeared but I didn’t want her here for this
anyway. The fabric on the thin cot was itchy as I lay back on it with my arms and legs strapped
down. Someone was talking while the nurse wet my forehead and temples. She then placed
what felt like stickers over the wet spots and put a strap of leather in my mouth. I didn’t need to
look at the machines to know what was going to happen. There was a fleeting moment when I
heard a switch being flipped and a sound like rushing wind before my body convulsed and the
world slipped away from me.

The weather had heated up but a warm breeze blew my hair and tickled my thighs. For the first
time everything felt smoothed out and even, like I had been walking down a difficult gravel road
my whole life. The protesters moved out of the way and let my mother and I walk to our car. The
buildings went by like water colors until we were back on our suburban street. Pulling into our
driveway I realized for the first time my mother had been holding my hand the whole ride.

Homemade Toner

No so long ago I bleached my hair resulting in a not so favorable yellow hue with streaks of orange. It wasn't cute. I toned my hair and used all the purple shampoo the drugstore could offer and still nothing worked or lasted. One day I got the idea to make my own toner. The store didn't have a purely purple dye so I went for the blue/purple one and prayed it would work. After watching countless tutorials on how to do it on youtube I was convinced it would work perfectly and I would have lovely white hair and maybe also be a goddess.

I mixed the Manic Panic After Midnight dye with a whack load of conditioner and put it allover my yellow hair. I left it on for a total of ten minutes remembering the warnings from the youtubers. After rinsing it out and blow drying it I can honestly say it didn't go according to plan.

In real life (horrible webcam quality) my hair is more of a minty blue. My mom likes to call it aquamarine since it reminds us of mermaid hair. Overall I'm not that upset and I actually like it.

Sunset Seventies

Long time no see and frankly not too much has happened although I'll do a general update post later.  Lately I've been obsessed with the sing In The City by The Eagles. I heard it when I was rewatching The Warriors for the first time in 10 years. I love to listen to it while looking at The Virgin Suicides screencaps because Sofia Capolla + 70s music = a world of awesome. So look at this photo (click or drag to new window to enlarge) and let your mind wander to this lovely song.

Why can't it just be warm here in Canada and have summer start already? Summer always makes me so happy and feeling alive. I just wanted to post some inspo/happiness for yall. I've never been really big into fashion trends and have always felt that you should do your thing and let the world follow.

Somehow I just found out about Paloma Faith today. I have never heard of her and only by sheer luck did I stumble across her music. My favorite song by her so far is Streets Of Glory. Although I'm not crazy about her music I do like her style.

Dear Diary

The last week has been incredibly hard for me. I've been having more panic attacks than usual, multiple crying periods a day and sleepless nights. It feel likes the whole world has caught up to me and everything is too much. Everything feels so off. Contaminated. People getting to close to me. The regular things that brought be happiness have dimmed down to a dying flame, I feel surrounded by nightmares. I'm assuming this is because I'm stressed about school and court and outside. It is getting harder to go outside but I remain hopeful that one day I'll be able to walk out the door without having to sit in the fetal position first and take pills to stop the hysteria.

I've mostly been staying in bed and watching Sailor Moon and reading. I did have a bath in the dark with only a candle as a source of light and I highly recommend it. It was really soothing. I felt like I was in a world all my own. If you're feeling depressed I would try it. My interest in witches and witchcraft has increased as well as looking at the relations to feminism it holds.

 That's all for now x

HOLY HEART EYES BATMAN! BH cosmetics came out with two new era eyeshadow palettes: Eyes on the 70's & Eyes on the 80's. My heart is fluttering and unfortunately my wallet is empty.

70s

80s

Hero Status: Elvira

There are a lot of reasons why I love Elvira (her punk dog, her bad jokes, quirky personality, love for all things spooky, determination, awesome clothes etc etc etc) but one of my absolute favorite things is how badass she is. Elvira dresses how she wants which is usually in her very low cut long black dress that shows off more than cleavage. She wears it comfortably and for no one else, she wears it because she wants to. However almost every person she runs into either chastises her for her clothes or thinks it's an invitation to sexually harass her. Naturally being the strong woman she is she takes none of this shit from anyone. If it's throwing a man out of her house, hitting her groping boss or pouring beer onto the laps of perverts she let's the world now that she is not an object for them to use. She loves her body, she belongs to herself and lives for herself. Her feminism and spookiness has totally changed my life.

After having a really hard week (panic attacks everyday) I was able to go to Walmart and Chapters with the help of my mom (I have very bad anxiety and depression) and got a few things! That Chapters I went to ended up having a small fire and we all had to get evacuated out into the cold. Five fire trucks showed up and everything was fine. We were all able to go back in and I spent a couple more hours looking at books. (From left to right) Bastard out of carolina by Dorothy Allison, The secret life of bees by Sue Monk Kidd, The bell jar by Sylvia Plath.

From Walmart I got some body lotion and some wet n wild makeup (I'll upload that later) and got the Simple Eye Balm. I've heard some pretty good things for it and have been looking for an eye cream for my sensitive eyes. It has vitamin B5, vitamin E, bisabolol, Shea butter, and jojoba oil. It doesn't have any perfume or dyes. It comes out clear and you tap it into your eye area. I think it would be ok to wear under makeup.

My love for Laura Palmer is never ending, I swear. When going through 8tracks I stumbled upon a playlist with the song 'Laura' by Bat For Lashes and I'm totally obsessed with it. It's such a beautiful song. I think this song will always hold a special place in my heart as well as Twin Peaks.

There's something about looking at old photos of myself, when I was a little tyke, that makes me feel like I'm on some weird self discovery trip. It's strange to look at yourself so young, when you were hardly really a person at all, and comparing it to who you are now. How have I changed in the past 12+ years? How did I grow and change and become someone different right under my nose. Every picture feels like a little piece of a puzzle to show me who I am and how to keep growing. They show that there was a time before bad things happened. Back when the small things in life were life, and I regret to say things that I forgot about for so long. We forget and overlook so many things that we did when were younger that it feels like a part of us goes missing and we can't remember where or when we lost it or how to get it back.

Once Upon a Dream [Part 1]

As you all know the movie Maleficent is coming out as well as a Mac line dedicated to the movie and villain. You're probably just as excited as I am until you remember just how pricy Mac cosmetics are. The average for lipsticks are 20$ and up, nails range around the same price, and face makeup around 30-40$ and this is when it's not apart of a limited collection. I've decided to find some wallet friendly makeup that still gives that Maleficent villain vibe which is mostly green, purple and pink.

1,2,3 Nyx jumbo eye pencils in cucumber, rust and rocky mountain green, 5. Nyx baked eyeshadow in plum 6. Annabelle single eyeshadow in ver-to-go 7.Maybelline cream gel eyeshadow in painted purple, 8. Revlon cream gel eyeliner 9. Nyx hot single eyeshadow in electroshock

1. Nyx macaron lippies in Chambord, 2.Revlon matte balm in shameless, 3.Loreal color riche lipstick in refined ruby, 4.Maybelline vivids in vivd rose, 5.Nyx matte lipstick in brick, 6. Breathless lipstick 7. Maybelline vivids in fushia flash

Baby baby baby

I really love when people draw on their bottom lashes. I would put down a good eyeshadow base around the eye first then use an eyeliner like Covergirl liquid Line Blast, and then set it with an eyeshadow. Of course you can try liquid eyeliner or even gel.You should of course use a waterproof formula. A bonus is to set around the makeup with translucent powder to absorb any moisture since moisture leads to creasing and wear. If you feel your base is too creamy you can lightly blot it. What's great about this look is that you can go bold and dramatic or blend it and connect the 'lashes' together with eyeliner and pop on some shadow on your lids. Really experiment with it.TRY drawing on the lashes slanted to make them look more natural.

It's Monday and already Justin Bieber has MASSIVELY ripped of Paramore. I have never in my 17 years off life seen such a obvious rip off. Justin released his new song called "We Were Born For This" (just like paramores "we were born for this") BUT it gets better don't you worry. He then stole paramore fanart for the cover.

 

The Virgin Suicides has always transported me to an untouchable time and place. A place where happiness and sadness were not oil and water but different water colors that bleed together to make a whole new world and spectrum. This is the first time I've realized that those two emotions can go hand in hand. Aren't they the strongest feelings? The ones felt most often? Ones that can tug and pull us in so many directions and deliver us into realms we didn't even know were made possible. I think being able to feel happiness and sadness as a whole makes us human. I used to think you could only be at one point in the rainbow spectrum of feeling and emotions, however I'm now lucky enough to know that there really is no fixed point in life. Things cannot be explained or felt as easily as we thought. Emotions are a kaleidoscope of colors hitting us in different places at the same time or not hitting us at all. They blind us. We can't even see how beautiful they look displayed on us.

My life long love has always been 80s hair. Yeah... I know. I've been trying to figure out how exactly to get that look. My guess is a shaggy haircut, hair spray, dry shampoo, and a lot of teasing. Maybe one day I can achieve these looks.

Childhood on our lips.

For two months now I have been searching high and low for Lip smackers. You remember them? The lip balms that come in flavors like banana split or Dr. Pepper, possibly the first ever strawberry flavored tinted lip balm. I had gone to three drugstores, one of them being in the 4th largest mall in Canada, and still no lip smackers. Every time I asked a worker they either looked at me like I was crazy or have the audacity to tell me 'they went out of style'. Today I went to my local Rexall to see if the new spider-man collection from Revlon had been released yet, no dice, and stumbled upon the holy grail. Wedged between Annabelle cosmetics and Bonnebelle cosmetics was a small selection of my beloved Lip smackers. There were party packs (all my fave flavors and a few ones I don't like,) Disney collections, Minnie mouse, cupcakes and fruit tint and pop flavors. I feel to my knees in the isle and looked up at the small amount of racks holding my childhood. The moment was so perfect I almost wept. Unfortunately I didn't have enough money for the party pack (13$) and instead got a single Dr. Pepper for a dollar. It turns out lip smackers are owned by Bonnebelle cosmetics so wherever that brand is sold so will Lip smackers. I think the only places you can get the brands are at Target or Rexall. A wish came true today guys and a little bit of faith restored.

My prayers have been answered and my queen has resurfaced with green hair. For months now me and my friend have been hysterically hoping for her to go blue like she did shortly for the original Ain't It Fun music video, that was never released, but e accept this with a loving embrace. If memory serves me right she's never had this color before. Maybe she's testing it for that hair color line she whispered about to Nylon mag a few months ago. Also that outfit is perfect.

End of week 'Are You Kidding Me?'

1.) As some of you may already know Iggy Azalea has stopped crowd surfing because 'people try to finger her.' During an interview she even admitted that she wears extra underwear and flesh toned tights to further avoid being assaulted. Iggy went to twitter to find the people who were planning to assault her and has said that most of the people have been women. I'm proud to see a lot of fans realizing that this is wrong and speaking out about it as well as Iggy. People think it's ok to do this to her because of the outfits she wears on stage or in music videos or because of certain lyrics. This is once again people thinking they own someone else or owe something from celebrities. People are people, not objects. Rape culture strikes again.

HISTORY LESSON: Back in the 90s Courtney Loves clothes were completely ripped off her body by the crowd and was sexually invaded and groped while the fans called her names. People said it was her fault, she went on to write the song 'Asking For It'

 2.)  16 year old Maren Sanchez was murdered because she refused an invitation to prom. Let's talk a moment to let that sink in. A guy went up to a girl he went to school with and asked her to prom, she said no because she was going with her boyfriend, and he killed her because of her refusal. That boy felt so much that he owned her and that he was superior that he flew into a rage when told no. The media is making this out to be 'dispute' like this is a small little spat when really a young girl is gone and the male superiority continues. There is nothing small about this story. A family will have to bury their child.

3.) 40 year old Angie Robinson murdered her 16 year old autistic son Rupert before killing herself, a lot of people aren't agreeing with that though. Some people feel as though Rupert drove his mother to kill them because of his illness. The fact that anyone thinks that a disabled teenager is to blame for his own murder is flat out disgusting. People are even saying that it's better that he's dead because of the 'trouble' and 'hard ship' he must have put his parents through. If you don't see the problem with this you need to take a long hard look at yourself.


 

Pamela Love Dupes!

Recently I've fallen in love with Pamela Loves rings. However her prices have become and arch nemesis. I feel like paying well over 100$ for a ring is ridiculous. Maybe I'm just cheap... or sane. Anyway I've spent the day looking for dupes to her pricy jewelry, most which come from the promised land of etsy. I swear dreams come true there.

starting from top going clock wise 6.79$  5.10$  4.52$

going clockwise 8.68$ 15.82$ 22.68$

going clock wise 15.87$  3.40$   44.22$

Get a clue

With Iggy Azaleas love note to Clueless a lot of people (me included) have remembered their love for Chers style. Accessory wise she kept it pretty simple. I would suggest over the knee socks, scrunchies, or barets. Layering is really important. You can buy tons of flowy shirts or lace ones at places like forever 21, ardenes, or even walmart.

Forever 21 21$

Forever 21 29$

Today when I was watching Fire Walk With Me I remembered I really love the late 80s and early 90s and how they blurred together in the first and last couple years. One thing I really loved in the movie was the makeup and hair.

The eyes are super simple. Laura (top) seems to be wearing a light almost greyish blue eyeshadow or eyeliner and eyeshadow one or two shades darker than her eyelid, it's brought up just to the browbone. The same goes for Donna (bottom) except shes wearing dark brown or black eyeliner. I would say a lengthening mascara was used although the lashes are not dramatic and look natural.

My favorite though is the lips! I would start out by moisturizing lips and then applying a lip liner and blending it in with a finger or brush to make it look more natural and never cakey. I would then apply more lip balm for that slight sheen. I would suggest and long lasting, moisturizing lip liner. I would describe the color they're wearing as fruit punch.

TRY: Nyx slim pencil, Maybelline color sensational lip liner or any of your favorites